Moving Times
Moving is traumatic. Some friends came over to help me pack, and we discussed how many times I’ve moved. In ten years, I’ve moved 8 times – each time, sifting through my belongings, and purging. You would think I would own fewer things. I thought I would have ten boxes to store, at most. It ended up being about 30.
When I moved into my last apartment, I told myself that I would be staying there until I bought my own place, or moved out of state. I wasn’t sure how long I would have my job, but I was hopeful that I would be able to make a cozy nest for the long term. I was beginning to feel at home. Everything I owned had a place. I had a minimal amount of furniture. I was getting ready to put down roots. Then, I lost my job, and I had little choice but to move home with my parents.
I am thankful for my parents, but, moving in with them has been really challenging. My mom woke me up at 6am this morning to move my car, and she’s been bossing me all day. I don’t like to be bossed.
Anyway, every time I move, I get this reminder that nothing is permanent. My career is a testimony to that. It is probable that people in my generation will not be with the same organization until they retire. It is also probable that we may change careers more than once. I have. The hardest thing I have had to wrap my head around is being female and having a career, amidst all of this change, and what that means. But, that is a subject for another night.
In any case, this all means that I will probably end up in this situation, again, in the future. Maybe the details will be slightly different. It’s good that I am getting better at dealing with change. My parents did not prepare me for this shit.
I recently sold some things on Craigslist. A lady bought my dishes said she was giving them to a friend who was recently divorced. The divorcee has a child and is eating off of paper plates because her husband took the dishes. …a little depressing…and uncomfortable. I mean, everyone goes through some shit. It’s always something.
I know deep down that it’s important to not always be comfortable. Suffering is part of being human. I am not in denial about that. There is no way I can avoid the feelings that come along with the impermanence. It has just been hard for me to find meaning.
I am really uncomfortable right now, so, I think that I am on the right track. The only good tool I have right now is using breath as a meditation.
Tonight, I will leave you with this word du jour:
Assuage ( transitive verb \ə-ˈswāj also -ˈswāzhor -ˈswäzh\)
1: to lessen the intensity of (something that pains or distresses) : ease <unable to assuage their grief>
2: pacify, quiet <vainly strove … to assuage an implacable foe — Edward Gibbon>
3: to put an end to by satisfying : appease, quench <assuaginghis thirst>
Here, I will use it in a sentence: “To assuage my feelings of anger, I did some pranayama